Saturday, February 5, 2011

Burdens of the Heart

My heart is heavy today, it periodically does this when I think of a certain family. I'm going to share a little of the story but obviously without the names because I didn't ask permission but I do ask that you pray for them.

There was a family who fell in love with a young man in an orphanage in another country. The young man was a teenager and lived a hard life-is there any other life when in an orphanage? I believe one of the parents saw this child on several occasions because of mission work. The adoption process started-wanted by all parties-and they scraped, saved and followed God's plan to adopt this boy. He became a part of their family, he became their son in more ways than just name. He was loved, unconditionally......maybe that was the problem. He traveled with them, they had a Church home, visited family. He went to school, they met his needs, helped him get his driver's license, cell phone-all the perks of the American teenager. His pictures showed happiness, showed a child who loved his family and wow, the love they had for him. So many opportunities for this young man. Struggles for the with any teenager, right.

A giant move for the family to a different State. Things are still seemingly fine, adjustments in the process. Son turns 18 and a few days later he simply packs up and leaves - for good. Left a note and without going into much detail basically said he was done, don't try to find him, and they just had too much love to give. He moved back to the State where they lived. Oddly enough, when one of the parents was back at the old home, they ran into their son. There was no closure, no real explanation but pretty much he was done being their son. Says he didn't use them and all of that stuff. Family offered to let him come back home, clearly he was struggling where he was. He didn't take them up on the offer and soon after even deleted his family from his facebook-that's pretty huge.

I hurt, hurt, hurt for this family. They feel used and probably with good reason. I mean, noone in the adoption world likes to say this, but they truly did save this boy. And we say it to biological children all of the time - they are ungrateful. I simply cannot imagine the pain and certainly don't really see God's plan in this. I do understand there is a plan, I have no doubts. But such pain for such a nice, God-loving family is hard to comprehend. And I know that noone is sheltered from pain, I get that. But they lost their son. And then I think of the son, who was a teenager when adopted, never knowing the true love of a Mom and Dad and not knowing the love of our God. How overwhelming this must have been for him. Parental rules made in love-he knew nothing about. Could his head and heart not handle someone loving him this way? Did he not see himself as worthy? Was it too late for him? Were the walls around his heart so hardened that they could not be broken down?

There is a lot of pain in this family and I imagine with the son as well. Orphanage life is hard, beyond our comprehension. That's not even a fitting statement for orphanage life. When I was allowed to sit with Cade (at 17-months)for a meal in his orphanage, I saw babies learning how to steal each others food when they turned their heads for a second, I saw them licking their fingers to pick up crumbs off of the table and floor. This is what they are learning as babies - already "survival of the fittest"; what have they learned by the time they are teenagers? My heart aches for this young man as well.

Please take some time to pray for this family-all of them. I pray God intervenes in the young man's life in a mighty way so he can realize the pain he caused and for him to allow his heart to open to be loved unconditionally. I pray God gives peace to this family, there is no understanding. I pray He gives them strength to let go and move on so they can find happiness again. I pray He gives them the knowledge that they did all they could for him and they did nothing wrong. I pray and I pray for their broken hearts!

(Edited to add: If you know this family, please don't mention their names in my comment section. TY.)


Anonymous said...

I soooooooooooo feel for this family. I have experienced this pain from a biological child. I don't think the pain is any different. The questions may be, but any loss of a child by that child's choice is unbearable.

BUT, after years of prayer, she is BACK! I had to learn so much about God's love for us in that we are daily Prodigals in our own right. Daily we turn from Him in our choices, yet daily He steadily loves and remains faithful. Once I learned that hard lesson first-hand (and this lesson is SO much different to walk through than to sit in church and talk about), then I was able to release her COMPLETELY into His faithful hands.

Prayers. Years of prayers. And He was completely faithful. Even when I couldn't see it or feel it, He was working, protecting, loving. As a parent of a Prodigal, I feel that is all we really can do is daily place them into His hands no matter how hard that release is.

He is faithful. No matter how it looks to us. He is faithful!

Anonymous said...

P.S. I still don't think my daughter understands the pain she put her entire family through, but honestly I hope she never does. Bearing that could break her more. I pray instead that God will fully heal her precious heart and use her for mighty, mighty things in His plan! Just having her back in the fold is my greatest prayer answered!

Lauree said...

Anonymous, thank you so much for sharing your experience. And all too often this happens with biological children as well. I love that she did come back and I truly believe that is all we can do, is release them into His hands. Thank you again!

Liz said...

I will pray for your friends. What a sad situation!

cami said...

SO sorry to hear this. Just heartbreaking. I will be thinking of everyone involved and praying for healing for the whole family.