I've decided I need to come back to my blog. It's my open diary and I need to write.
Jeff and I are beginning a new chapter in our life with one of our children. Today, Cloee was unofficially diagnosed with Autism. We are in the process of making an appointment with a developmental pediatrician, which of right now is next to impossible! The one we were referred to is not taking new patients right now and is booked through February 2014. So our Pediatrician is working on getting OT initiated for her.
I also called the PPCD program to begin that process. I am waiting on the diagnostician to call and set up the evaluation appointment. If they find that she needs help, we will have a second appointment to set up an educational plan for her. And then she will begin that program. She is developmentally delayed and speech delayed so I'm fairly certain she will begin PPCD once the testing is complete.
I decided to come back to my blog because there may be another mom out there doubting her gut reactions. I am here to say, "please don't." You know your child better than anyone. If something seems different, start documenting. I sat down one day and wrote out 2 pages without thinking.
My anxiety levels have hit an all time high when taking Cloee out in public. Not knowing if something would set her off or when it would set her off. My mother finally saw one of her epic meltdowns (as I like to call them) in the car going home from my brother's wedding. Once started, it lasted about 45 minutes, in the car. Yes I did have to pull over and yes I had to get out of the van so I could breathe.
Along with the validation I feel, is the overwhelming feeling of heartbreak for my sweet girl. I feel anger, a lot right now. I'm not equipped for this, I'm scared for us, I'm scared for Cloee. I don't know anything about Autism. I feel like my whole life right now is spent educating myself on how to better parent each of my special needs children.
I feel like I'm not a good enough parent to handle these challenges, why was I chosen to raise these beautiful children who need so much that I don't know about?? I'm reeling and I'm rambling.
I've studied today. Autism has to do with brain development-our Cloee had an extremely rough start in life, probably plays a huge part in it with some genetics mixed in.
Would you please be in prayer for my sweet girl? And for us as a family?
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Friday, August 10, 2012
6 months
Luke has been with me for 6 months and at home for 5 months. It seems like he has been with us forever and yet it's hard to believe 6 months have already passed.
Our life is a lot busier with 4 kids! Jeff's work schedule changed and it was not for the better because it took him out of town for days and days at a time. But we are still so thankful that he has a job and one that allows me to stay at home and raise our children.
Back to Luke:
He is now is 2t clothes-where as he was in 12 months in February when we were in Congo together. He is growing! And boy can he put the food away.
He is now in size 6 shoes-he was in size 3 in February.
He weighed around 21 lbs I think in February. Maybe less. He is now 27 lbs. Not sure about inches.
His vocabulary is really improving! I can understand so much of what he says. This is from a child who in February had never uttered a word-did not talk at all nor babble.
His smile lights up a room and he adds so much happiness to our lives and completes our family.
He is a joy. He fits into our family perfectly.
He sleeps in his own bed in his room he shares with his brother. He only sometimes ends up in bed with us, which is fine with me.
He is adventurous, He loves his siblings, He gives the biggest and best hugs.
He loves us to sing to him before bed.
He tells me, "I uv oo, mama" and my heart melts.
Thank you God for my newest son!
The picture above is in Congo.
The pictures below are from this summer.
Our life is a lot busier with 4 kids! Jeff's work schedule changed and it was not for the better because it took him out of town for days and days at a time. But we are still so thankful that he has a job and one that allows me to stay at home and raise our children.
Back to Luke:
He is now is 2t clothes-where as he was in 12 months in February when we were in Congo together. He is growing! And boy can he put the food away.
He is now in size 6 shoes-he was in size 3 in February.
He weighed around 21 lbs I think in February. Maybe less. He is now 27 lbs. Not sure about inches.
His vocabulary is really improving! I can understand so much of what he says. This is from a child who in February had never uttered a word-did not talk at all nor babble.
His smile lights up a room and he adds so much happiness to our lives and completes our family.
He is a joy. He fits into our family perfectly.
He sleeps in his own bed in his room he shares with his brother. He only sometimes ends up in bed with us, which is fine with me.
He is adventurous, He loves his siblings, He gives the biggest and best hugs.
He loves us to sing to him before bed.
He tells me, "I uv oo, mama" and my heart melts.
Thank you God for my newest son!
The pictures below are from this summer.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Congo-Special Needs
Warning: These pictures are not easy to look at and may be graphic. This is life in Congo for special needs orphans. There is one picture of a man in a white jacket. He is absolutely fabulous! He owns the whole place, runs it, everything. He is so nice! The kids obviously love him. He always has a hug ready for any of them who run up to him and he speaks very softly to them.
He has about 700+ orphans and I don't know how many are HIV+-can't rembember but it's a lot. He also has a section where people sit all day because they have no home-they are homeless. They are guaranteed 2 meals there. He is quite simply an amazing man.
This is for people who ask "why not America?" I challenge you and say "why not Congo?" You won't see this in America. Some of us are called to adopt internationally and some are called to adopt domestically and then some are called to do both. There is no way that one way is the best way. We are all blessed by building our families through adoption-no matter what type of adoption. Children who need families, get one. Parents who need children, get one. Families are made. It's a win-win, no matter what. Get over it.
He has about 700+ orphans and I don't know how many are HIV+-can't rembember but it's a lot. He also has a section where people sit all day because they have no home-they are homeless. They are guaranteed 2 meals there. He is quite simply an amazing man.
This is for people who ask "why not America?" I challenge you and say "why not Congo?" You won't see this in America. Some of us are called to adopt internationally and some are called to adopt domestically and then some are called to do both. There is no way that one way is the best way. We are all blessed by building our families through adoption-no matter what type of adoption. Children who need families, get one. Parents who need children, get one. Families are made. It's a win-win, no matter what. Get over it.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Bonding in Congo
Bonding with my son.
Luke and I co-slept the entire time we were in Congo. I LOVED it! Once we started bonding, he would wake me up sometimes by rubbing my face or patting my arm or rub my back. This is what I would do to him if he wasn't awake for the 7am breakfast call. He would reach out in the night just to touch me or hold my hand. It was very sweet and touched my heart in a mighty way. It's amazing really. The feelings of love that sweep through you at different times as you bond with your child. Sometimes, late at night, I would look at him and think, "wow, he's mine. I'm so not worthy but thank you God." He's an amazing little boy that was meant to be a Solberg. He had such a rough start and was moved around too many times. It affected him. So much trauma in his short life. I cried when I thought about it then, I cry when I think about it now. He did not smile, make eye contact, barely cried for almost a week and a half. He was a limp noodle in my arms. It was the strangest thing. I really had to hold onto him. As time went on, I continued to try and make eye contact and when I did, I made sure I was the first to look away. That way he could feel free to stare at me, to get used to me without direct eye contact. I constantly touched him though, stroked his face, kissed him, rubbed his back, whispered to him telling him I loved him. His first sound was the moaning/groaning while eating. It was funny, cute and so very sad for me. Then I would catch him staring at me from across the room and when I would look at him and connect he would stop what he was doing and come to me. The bond was forming-between a mother and her son. The feelings were overwhelming at times for me. His eyes spoke to my heart in a way that words could never do. His eyes spoke of pain, heartbreak, fear and a distrust that at times seemed insurmountable. I wanted to climb inside and piece his little heart back together.
His little body was filled with parasites. He could never get full. There is no telling how long he had them. But he had a tummy full and the more I thought about it the angrier I became. He could have eventually died from this. He had been in foster care for 6 months. He should have had the medicine long before I got there. I never dealt with parasites before, much less these monsters. While the sight of them freaked me out, knowing his precious little body was filled with these, broke my heart for what he had to feel like. We live in a country where we don't have to worry with this, but this is life in Congo.
Each day brought us closer together as mother and son. My heart felt like it was wrapping around his. Every day I prayed for him to feel safe. This little boy and I were learning about each other. He was learning my voice, I was learning his cry. He was learning my scent, I was learning his. He was learning my touch, I was learning his personality. He was learning trust and I was learning his heart. We were learning to love as a mother and son, together.
When he first smiled at me, I felt the breath escape from my lungs. I fought hard and prayed hard for that smile. For me, the first smile represented a change towards trust, letting go of fear. From the first smile came his first sounds. Then came the laughter. There are no words to describe my feelings when that happened. Praising God with tears in my eyes and a heart overflowing with joy. I was overwhelmed with so much emotion. To see the smile and hear the laughter and for both to reach his eyes; his eyes-the window to his heart and soul. Finally. Laughter reached his heart. And stirred my soul as I fell completely in love with my little boy.
I'm so thankful, words can't desribe, that God put adoption back on my heart and pressed me until I could not ignore Him anymore. I simply cannot imagine my life without him. I love this boy more than words can say. He captured my heart half-way around the world and I am still overwhelmed that God chose me to be his "mama".
I am so lucky.
I am so very blessed.
Luke and I co-slept the entire time we were in Congo. I LOVED it! Once we started bonding, he would wake me up sometimes by rubbing my face or patting my arm or rub my back. This is what I would do to him if he wasn't awake for the 7am breakfast call. He would reach out in the night just to touch me or hold my hand. It was very sweet and touched my heart in a mighty way. It's amazing really. The feelings of love that sweep through you at different times as you bond with your child. Sometimes, late at night, I would look at him and think, "wow, he's mine. I'm so not worthy but thank you God." He's an amazing little boy that was meant to be a Solberg. He had such a rough start and was moved around too many times. It affected him. So much trauma in his short life. I cried when I thought about it then, I cry when I think about it now. He did not smile, make eye contact, barely cried for almost a week and a half. He was a limp noodle in my arms. It was the strangest thing. I really had to hold onto him. As time went on, I continued to try and make eye contact and when I did, I made sure I was the first to look away. That way he could feel free to stare at me, to get used to me without direct eye contact. I constantly touched him though, stroked his face, kissed him, rubbed his back, whispered to him telling him I loved him. His first sound was the moaning/groaning while eating. It was funny, cute and so very sad for me. Then I would catch him staring at me from across the room and when I would look at him and connect he would stop what he was doing and come to me. The bond was forming-between a mother and her son. The feelings were overwhelming at times for me. His eyes spoke to my heart in a way that words could never do. His eyes spoke of pain, heartbreak, fear and a distrust that at times seemed insurmountable. I wanted to climb inside and piece his little heart back together.
His little body was filled with parasites. He could never get full. There is no telling how long he had them. But he had a tummy full and the more I thought about it the angrier I became. He could have eventually died from this. He had been in foster care for 6 months. He should have had the medicine long before I got there. I never dealt with parasites before, much less these monsters. While the sight of them freaked me out, knowing his precious little body was filled with these, broke my heart for what he had to feel like. We live in a country where we don't have to worry with this, but this is life in Congo.
Each day brought us closer together as mother and son. My heart felt like it was wrapping around his. Every day I prayed for him to feel safe. This little boy and I were learning about each other. He was learning my voice, I was learning his cry. He was learning my scent, I was learning his. He was learning my touch, I was learning his personality. He was learning trust and I was learning his heart. We were learning to love as a mother and son, together.
When he first smiled at me, I felt the breath escape from my lungs. I fought hard and prayed hard for that smile. For me, the first smile represented a change towards trust, letting go of fear. From the first smile came his first sounds. Then came the laughter. There are no words to describe my feelings when that happened. Praising God with tears in my eyes and a heart overflowing with joy. I was overwhelmed with so much emotion. To see the smile and hear the laughter and for both to reach his eyes; his eyes-the window to his heart and soul. Finally. Laughter reached his heart. And stirred my soul as I fell completely in love with my little boy.
I'm so thankful, words can't desribe, that God put adoption back on my heart and pressed me until I could not ignore Him anymore. I simply cannot imagine my life without him. I love this boy more than words can say. He captured my heart half-way around the world and I am still overwhelmed that God chose me to be his "mama".
I am so lucky.
I am so very blessed.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Another Congo Orphanage
We visitied another orphanage while in Congo. These pictures are hard for me to look at but this is life in Congo for an orphan. We took lots of food to them and more soccer balls and some school supplies. At the end of the visit they sang for us and it was simply amazing. There was one boy and one girl who sang a solo for us and I could only stare in awe! They sleep 2-3 per twin bed, no furnishings. They cook over a pot in another dilapidated building. They are sent to school and they must have uniforms. Their fees are paid each year by an agency. The little kids on the dirt road are kids from the area checking out the white people. Totally cute and when I started waving, I could hear them giggling and waving back.
Friday, March 16, 2012
All girls orphanage
(*You can see a "before" picture of me in one of these-it's scary)
We visited an all girls orphanage plus one little boy who is HIV+. This is by far the best orphanage we saw and not typical. The woman in blue is actually from the US. Her mom was Congolese and opened the orphanage years ago. These girls are not available for adoption but rather they are raised to learn, go to school and get a job and give back to their community. They can stay there until they get a job, because the alternative for them is prostitution. They live in a compound to keep them protected from men who would kidnap them to sell them.
The schools cost money and they go as long as there is money. Then they stay home when the money runs out until they can find donations for them to go back. They have donated stuff from US people and the lady's friends-all of the furniture, etc.
I took some of the donated soccer balls and boy did they love them, as you can see in the pics below!
We visited an all girls orphanage plus one little boy who is HIV+. This is by far the best orphanage we saw and not typical. The woman in blue is actually from the US. Her mom was Congolese and opened the orphanage years ago. These girls are not available for adoption but rather they are raised to learn, go to school and get a job and give back to their community. They can stay there until they get a job, because the alternative for them is prostitution. They live in a compound to keep them protected from men who would kidnap them to sell them.
The schools cost money and they go as long as there is money. Then they stay home when the money runs out until they can find donations for them to go back. They have donated stuff from US people and the lady's friends-all of the furniture, etc.
I took some of the donated soccer balls and boy did they love them, as you can see in the pics below!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
